This is a picture of my daughter from today. We went to a little farm in Wycoff, New Jersey. She had a blast, obviously!

Sometimes the most beautiful, most attractive quality one can have is the ability to accept and embrace their imperfections; to wear them proudly because they love themselves, anyway. Confidence in oneself outweighs the bearing any flaw can have on ones existence. In other words, a flaw is only as much of a flaw as one allows it to be. Embrace your imperfections and others will, too. We've all heard it before, and it couldn't be any more true: it's all a matter of perspective. How you perceive yourself will reflect greatly in the way others perceive you. I think the most perfect combination of qualities in a person is a lot of confidence balanced out by a lot of humility.

How do they do it all?

I used to wonder how people got things done, such as go to school full time and work full time all while having a child. I wondered how people managed to do all of these time consuming things and do them efficiently and properly without completely breaking down and ultimately failing at everything. I would say, "there is absolutely no way I could do that. I just couldn't". Well, I still haven't done all of those things but I'm currently experiencing circumstances that are quite close  to them. I am a full time mom, working a part time job, and I am taking two college courses in pursuit of my degree. My circumstances are most certainly the kind that I would have, at one time, found to be absolutely impossible. I've come to realize that the bottom line is you just do what you gotta do. Period. There is no limit to what we are capable of. When our circumstances change, our capacity does, as well. We push through. Especially when there are children involved; they are the most significant source of motivation and inspiration. Most parents have said at one point or another that they would do simply anything for their child or children. I believe that word "anything" includes, despite being sleep deprived, working extra hard to better our lives, and in turn bettering our children s lives. Every single thing that I do is with my daughter in mind. Every single class I take, every single moment I spend at my job. Everything is working towards one ultimate goal which is to provide for my child the best life that I can possibly provide. This doesn't mean that it's easy. It just simply means that it's doable. So, getting back to my initial point, I no longer look at people and wonder, "how do they do it all!?" because I know how. They just do.

oops. I said later. but I lied!

So, in the end of my last post I said "later"...and I specifically pointed out that by "later" i meant the next day or so, not the next year. Now it's been nearly a year..oops!~ So much as changed. Honestly, as I look back, I feel like my past blogs weren't even written by me. Well, of course they were written by me, but I just feel like an entirely different person now. When I wrote my previous blogs I was still somewhat "dark", negative, trying to be "cool" to some extent. Now I really have no concern with being cool, in fact, I have developed the belief that there is nothing cooler than being cool with NOT being cool! I have found that I really enjoy the "lighter" things in life a whole lot, I've gained a much more positive outlook on just about everything - oh! And I'm a mom now! To a beautiful 13 month old girl named Brianna. She is my everything and I love hear dearly with all of my heart. Like I said, a LOT has changed. Much too much to record in just one blog entry. I am a student now, taking online courses, although I'm still not entirely sure what it is that I want to do, at least I'm on the right path, I guess. My life really just revolved around being a mom, and doing the next right thing in all areas of my life. I'm too tired to go on but I will write more soon...hopefully "soon" won't be in two years!

Wow

Disappeared for a "hot minute" (a year? more than a year?) whatever it is, it's been quite a while. I was thinking about starting another blog, but I guess I'll just continue this one. Later.... (later, as in tomorrow or the next day, not later as in another year)

Weakening Strength

...tainted to the point of perfection, I am
accepted to the point of rejection.
Useless tools and true lies, I got
perfect vision through closed eyes.
I feel Numbing sensations through stagnant rotations,
I thinkMy mind is expanding despite its deflation

waiting line

Erratic minds combine, charismatically refined
With radiance, divine, soaked in bitter, bitter wine.
Here in this heart of mine, I’ve got love that’s oh, so fine
As my frustrations intertwine, I find,
Love is in the waiting line.

nuisance

You get so deep under my skin
If my heart beats i will detonate.
But im no time bomb...
You're pushing my body to its greatest possible degree
I can't endure this pressure
I can't abide by your demands
My self control is reaching its peak
And I am left with two options
Destroy or be destroyed
I just want to live without the aftermath.

Communication

Communication: the activity of conveying information or a connection allowing access between persons or places.

Has anyone else noticed the way REAL communication seems to be falling into obscurity? By REAL communication I mean communication between people where emotions and tones are involved - for example, over the phone or in person. Everything is ELECTRONIC. Text messages, MYSPACE, e-mail, AIM, etc. i am very guilty when it comes to this so please don't call me a hypocrite - I'm just astonished by it. Really.

It's almost as though modern communication is really just a collection various ways to "copout".
We can no longer be "put on the spot". We now get a few moments, even a few days, weeks, or months, if we'd like, to respond. Nothing is "at first thought". everything is planned, thought out, thought about, asked about, told to us by others, and simply SCRIPTED. So, do we really know one another?

I feel as thought with all this new technology we are being deprived of the opportunity to communicate to the full extent of our ability. Thus, being deprived of one of the most important aspects of our existance among one another.

Speaking of technology - is the human purpose falling into obscurity? we operate computers, but will computers one day operate us? Are we giving up man power to a man made object?

or...are we just that lazy?

I Got Faith Instead Of Fear

Ive become blind - my vision disabled by the boundaries of my mind yet still i see; my life's not full as it used to be..but i've seen reality and its certainly for me but its not free. this life it has a price. a small amount won't be suffice, but if i take my own advice i'll sacrifice; everything, I know. This world is ever changing, so along with it I'll grow, I'll reach the dawn. The point where dark becomes the light. And though I'll never win this fight sometimes I think I might - so I hold on. And I won't ever let this go! Cause I got faith instead of fear that my dear freedom might be near - yet still I wonder...Is there really something more?I've seen the break of dawn before but maybe this time I'll explore this twist of fate..